ive been in new jersey for a while again.....going home?

some life
i wonder
if its a loving heart
she really desires
what the scorpion knows
what the cat hides
behind it's golden eyes

If I took some time to think about what I feel, my puny little head would explode; stars and galaxies expanding into the living room. I hope you don't see me, through the glass in your TV. Queens and kings died holding silver spoons; if you think you can bet on who will win the race, think again, questions with no answers leave me with this bad taste. At a wedding, where wedding days look to for comfort and clarity, a man comes to you to with a wooden spoon and asks you to forgive him for the splinters he might give; a wooden spoon will keep you warm, silver spoons scar skin with burns.

Initially, I had no second thoughts on whether or not Lia Should be let loose; freeing a bird so early may have given her a chance to prove something of herself. The band was playing Pueblo Nuevo; air filled with cigar smoke and the fresh cent of beer, which all the attendees enjoyed with glee. I was quiet and somber alone in the corner with my hand-wrapped cigar; a treat one must give themselves at least once in their lives; and a beer, rich in hoppiness and barley malt: all I could ask for at a time like this. A good farewell in my eyes.
It began in the spring, as many stories do in this way, and ended in a hot summer storm; sideways rain striking everything with a vengeance that love can do to a young one's heart: Lia and I, not so free as her loyal obligations kept her bound to a place of business; to flip burgers and keep her gun loving parents away from her heart. What a task this was. We were just another thing to notice in our small town; humid and swampy as it was, nobody noticed due to the pavement and strip malls, and our carefree way angered the parents. When I had reached a point in life as many men do; they tend to avoid such meetings and as I sat in that bar, I realized that this was all for not; I had been tricked by an alluring thing standing there waiting to be swept off her feet. Nothing was real; but as temptation is a demon, we were pulled together again. The circumstances made the heat heavy, not only for her, but this time for me; and as lust has its was, we pulled back; nobody wanted to be hurt.
When I was five years younger, I had a chance to play acoustic guitar by a fire on a lake for these twins about my age at the time. Out of shyness, I did not go to the fire; something I regret now with all thats happened since. This end turned out to be the end I never forgot. If I were to see Lia again, who knows; I only remember the feeling of that beer. I can't recall most of the feelings I've felt, this one made its mark. As I sit here now in my room much later, I sip another beer and recall all the smiles she put on my face, all of the freedom she gave me, and most importantly what she still means to me. Although it sounds mundane, the period of a sentence can carry a lot of emotion with it. It was clear, my time here was coming to a close; a new journey would need to begin.

i haven't changed much as a person on the inside for almost a year, which is a very different experience for me considering i've been changing all my life; but i'm not sure why, i've let myself out a little more over time; becoming more expressive in feeling than in thought (maybe because i spent a year on deep thought and came to my own conclusions) and loving more and more of life than what i disliked or hated early on. so now i'm done with public school and i'm living the life i've always dreamed of having; freedom in every corner of the universe. let's see what happens next...

Flashes of light streaked through the air
The feeling of complete comfort fill her with joy
All is well and all is right
She feels at home, even in this place
This dungeon
But the music fills her heart with the gold of love
And this prize no one can take

life is a ballet worth dancing to.

its about this kid who watches it's dog get hit by a car; and the kid's dad leaves work with his friend who has inoperable cancer to have lunch at the dude's house and comfort the kid. the dude's wife is talking to the guy with cancer about how he's going to die but in like terms of not having to talk about that but only the near future, and the dad is like hugging the kid.
so now theyre all sitting down eating cold cuts; and the cancer dude (Dave) says, 'i forgot how much i enjoy sandwiches.' and dwells; and the dude who's dog got hit(Henry) goes, 'hey man it's friday, why dont you spend the night' and he knows dave will say yes cause dave is a widdowed husband with no kids or pets.
so they are putting the kid to bed (like a 6 or 7 yr old) and dave and henry's wife(susan) are having some small talk, henry comes back and a little later the kid wakes up. dave goes to put the kid back to bed and he has a talk with a kid about life, and how he realized today how much he liked sandwiches and always kind of took them for granted and he's like, enjoy your sandwiches while you got em, and there's a little montage of the kid and the dog and dave turns out the light; the end

after interviewing 52 of the most gorgeous, smartest, and talented girls my age in america i noticed something; the worries of most of them had nothing to do with others, with death, or even love for that matter. Sure, they have spent a long time getting ready to seem the best, but at what cost? I can honestly say that i am happy with what i've done with my life. There are a few things that i need to do, like fall in love again; for the most part though, the though ride i can hold on to. Every time i stop thinking for a moment, an image comes in my mind of the mountains of pennsylvania rolling off into the distance with a picturesque panorama of the sky with the first breath of clean air in a while, staring into the distance just letting all of it come in: the small birds singing the mid day song and the crowd of a trillion leaves cheering at the exhales of mother nature... and the silence. oh the great silence nature can keep. when i think of that day, i fall in love again; and loves curse compels me to the darkest depths from where the beast came. the waves roll back and all is calm again.

When the dust clears from your next fight, take a moment to bring in all the beauty of the world. For me, my short existence can not explain the distances of time ive thought about. But what is time when you keep everything deep down where no light shines, where no mist settles; and only you know the secrets here. you indulge yourself daily with every detail and giggle in the shadows of the night. Right now. Where is you mind going? Wonderland i hope...

Lurking in the twilight
between the shadows of the tall brownstones
the raindogs are a' calling again
they want my soul
they can scrape the surface
the tip of the iceberg
but they wouldn't dare
dig into the frozen ice
solid for eternity
and in the waking hours of every day
the raindogs find their way back again
to the corner of 48th and broadway
the clean cut streets
once sprinkled with the devil's advocates,
now my territory;
a raindog's territory.

your everlasting heart shines up through the mist you lovers teenage picture shows your greatest hits. lovin you sweetly on a friday afternoon, when the band begins to play your love's not in the room. do you feel alone? i thought you might have said. you walked into the window and we all thought you were dead. its very kind of you to call me a good friend when i killed your summer lonve, it all came to and end
i hate your indie kids i hate your emo kids i hate your rocknroll i hate your very soul i hope you go to hell can you find me a spell to cure all these kids of disease
theres a problem in the world, its not cure-able by a doctor. there's a crime in this cruel cruel world and its not stop-able by the police officer
i hate your indie kids i hate your emo kids i hate your rocknroll i hate your very soul i hope you go to hell can you find me a spell to cure all these kids of disease

These movies
play sobbing musings
to a child crying
or a dog taken away
and moves on in a hurry.

Now Tom walks in
begins touching the keys of the lonesome
piano and your heart
sinks into your chest.

There was thus girl I used to like
who now dates another girl
our flirts were many when there was room
we never managed to date or anything even
not sure why, it just never happened
she'd go after a friend of mine, i'd go after a friend of hers
but all the while staying friends
no matter how angered we got
or how close
but now
I feel like all the people who meant something to me
has faded into the distant river with all the other memories
just like my feelings for that girl
and a new girl's feelings for me.
Pick and choose your battles
mine is to find my friends
where'd you all go?
I'll be around for a while.

Well I write to intrude
On your daily do's.
You sit back and read the words
I'd really rather sing to you.


Can you imagine;
A world without pain,
A world with forgiveness
to see you again.

They'll kill you with their looks
of distrust and distain;
A world of no books
to be heard ever again.

Little did you know,
My feelings inside
Dried by the moments
the tide turns aside.


Never before
Did the world seem so small,
kissed by an angel
who roams through the halls.

im in new jersey. i'll explain later...

Where I fell I do not know
For the singe of the smell
came from down below.

Sometime around the fifth generation of america, children stopped caring. Simple as it may sound, the cause for such apathy and distaste to history, love, understanding, and knowledge is very complex and brings society in a full circle to the pre-information age.
As this complexity is hammered out by some theorists, others have been hammering away at the ideas of existence and the basis of life and society itself.
The X factor to the meaning of life is the answer to a very very long and complicated equation that has not been stated itself; yet parts of the equation have been discovered and inputed to the missing areas.
As labyrinthine as this may seem, society tends to unfold the way humans want it to; not by the rules they set, but by human nature: a force more titanic than the largest buildings ever made. Nature itself is an inexorable force to be reckoned with.

Thursday will be the half year point in the little black book. Keeping track of the past six months has taught me a great lesson: life goes all too fast when you keep track of time. Time does not bring anything but a sure reminder that all must end and change. George Carlin died yesterday afternoon right after his fiftieth year in show business at seventy one. Carlin brought out the best in what the real world thought and the extremes of life as well. I learned in the past 6 months that the little moments are what define me and my life. I take every little moment in as if it were a lifetime; looking up at the clouds and not thinking anything but how beautiful those clouds in the sky are to me. Life is so short, enjoy this moment, the next, and every moment hence forth; for when the time comes to leave all behind, the little moments will finally make the difference. Feel free to free yourself once in a while.

There are 50 ways to loose your lover
We can fuck up over and over
I repeat myself
To make sure i know what I covered.
Well we were designed so clever
Try to be and never be never
Why is it so clear
To say what has not been seen?
Because
The World is Round.
I take a walk on the wild side
To keep my pride
From shaking
And Baking
And it will end as it never should be.

For every breath they make
You make
I make
We can stand together that much longer
And make another
Chance for Everyone.